Tuesday, March 29, 2011

apron strings

i recently stumbled upon this awesome blog: http://apronstringz.wordpress.com

due to lack of time, i can only say that this blogger's philosophies mesh with mine and so i love reading it. check it out if you're into the art of home-making. 

also, this article (which i found on her blog) is rad: http://www.yesmagazine.org/happiness/meet-the-radical-homemakers

gotta go! really really fussy baby...

Monday, March 21, 2011

bad hair days

bad hair days come with being a parent. especially a parent of 2. within a couple of months of having my first child, i shaved my head to save myself the hassle of maintaining hair. which was great. and incredibly liberating but i thought i'd try a different strategy this time because growing out hair from short to long is, admittedly, about as appealing as eating toe-nails. someone else's toe-nails no less. there is always an inevitable "ugly phase". these days, time goes by so quickly that i never seem to be able to get everything done...let alone my hair. i anticipated that this would happen prior to giving birth to baby #2 so just before the big day arrived, i knitted this simple head band which can be found here on ravelry. it took 2 or so hours to complete. it doubles as an eye mask when taking necessary afternoon naps in brightly lit rooms.

my baby is no longer new-born as she had her 5 week birthday today. she's getting so fat, quickly accumulating leg rolls that took my first born a couple of months to develop...so cute. oh sweet boob juice. yum. 

it's really hitting home that i will never have a newborn again (it is my intention to have completed my commitment to the manufacturing and delivery of tiny humans...life may have other plans but i'll cross that bridge when and if i come to it). i recently packed up all my newborn clothing in a bag for donation, whereas last time, i packed them away in storage knowing that another baby would come one day. i'm relieved and also really sad to be giving this stuff away. relieved because i do want to carry on with my life (grad school? master gardener? professional knitter?) and enjoy fully the two babies that i have; but sad because each day that passes i'm floating that much further away from that particular era of my life. i'm a sentimental sappy sucker and as such, a tear spills from my eye when i think of my departure from that complicated place of mothering small children.

i never thought i'd say this but IF the world wasn't so over-populated (each human requires an absurd amount of fossil fuel and other resources to sustain it), and IF life wasn't so expensive (a 3rd child means a mini-van, possibly a bigger house, way more expenses...think of the cost of even a modest calendar of activities) and IF our modern world supported families more (i.e. 1- didn't scorn women who bear more than two children; 2 - didn't expect mums, who choose to prioritize their children over their career, to remain home alone with children all day without contact with other adults for days at a time (because chances are, their friends/family work full-time) and/or attend "mum-groups" which tend to have rigid schedules and a general lack of real intimacy...groups that are intended to replace aforementioned friends/family who are good citizens and have full-time work, which is the expectation and ultimate goal of life these days...why, i have no idea; 3 -  didn't make it almost necessary for there to be a double income to maintain the "necessities" of life etc)...IF all of these things...i might actually consider a 3rd child. fucking crazy, right? this coming from a person who, just 5 years ago, doubted she would ever have children. it's addicting. kinda like tattoos, or so i'm told. more babies, more love, more cuddles. yesss....but in my case no...

in other news. i had my first glass of red wine today in months!! (yes, i am aware that i am nursing and no i am not worried about it). my sister S and i made dinner tonight...an amazing pasta dish made with balsamic mushrooms and red peppers, olives, sundried tomatoes, basil, etc. we paired it with a spinach salad with home-made candied pecans, strawberries and raspberry vinagrette. spending time with my sis while preparing the meal was almost as fun as eating it together with the family. i will miss her this summer when she moves away to be with her love in saskatchewan...living with her for the past several months has been so much fun. 

the last episode of 'big love" aired lastnight. i haven't had a chance to see it yet (see above re: having no time) but i'm sad to see it go. i liked how the show provided many complex views of polygamy and the drama was delicious. big love, i will miss you. 

what the hell am i doing. i should be sleeping. GOOD NIGHT!

Monday, March 14, 2011

may your hands always be busy...

more baby stuff!!


oh, life with a new baby is so lovely. i've said it before and i'll say it again: i feel like this is my second chance at newborn motherhood. i can't get over how much more positive this experience has been. what a difference it makes to a) know what you're doing...like how to wear a baby properly, how to breastfeed, how to change a diaper, how to bathe baby, how to soothe baby, how to just relax and be a mum without worrying about everything you're missing in the outside world; b) to have extra hands...mostly for the toddler but for baby as well; c) to not have a colicky baby for 3 months d) to have a baby that will actually just hang out and NOT scream non-stop for hours e) to have a baby that will allow you to just sit while she sleeps rather than insist that you constantly bounce on an exercise ball f) to not have had a 52 hour labour that resulted in a long recovery time...with this one, i laboured for 1.5 hours and pushed 5 times...yes!! and g) to have an extra friend with a baby, one whose house i can just stop over at and one who will just come over, no fuss, no advanced planning, whether we're in PJ's, bawling our eyes out, happy, pissed-off, un-showered, whatever...just be. and who also happens to be in the midst of a major house reno while i'm building a house (and also living with her parents too, no less!!) so knows EXACTLY what i'm going through. thanks J for being there for me, you have no idea how you have made my experience as a mum so much richer.

the above photos are just more baby projects that i haven't had a chance to post yet. baby is wearing them all in this late march winter. can't wait for the snow to be gone...it's FINALLY melting. i'm actually getting time to knit these days too, mostly because i can knit while breastfeeding and in those glorious minutes immediately following when she pops off the boob and is in a state of milk bliss, just hanging out on my chest. i live for those moments. 

yes, i'm becoming one of those mums, who is just basking in the experience of mumhood. i always thought those mums were crazy or not being totally forthcoming about their experience with motherhood...how can they be so happy? so calm?? the truth is that they just didn't have colicky babies. 

and i mean no harm to my first born whom i love dearly and with whom i have a wonderful relationship. he just had a tough first hand at life when he was stuck in my birth canal for hours and hours and hours. he just had stuff to sort out, like all of us do at some point in our lives. i love him dearly and he knows it. and i loved him dearly when he was a baby too, but it wasn't always easy and i was super depressed and anxious as a result of my inability to make him feel better (not being able to calm your baby/listening to baby screams for LITERALLY hours on end really takes its toll on your parenthood self-esteem after a while) AND inability to sleep. ever. however, in those early days, he did teach me about patience and sticking it out...and he taught me about unconditional love and  having faith that everything does work out and truly does come out in the wash if you just give it some time. 

ok enough. i'm going to sleep.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011


it's going to be quiet around here for a while. i had my baby a little over 2 weeks ago (she was early!) and life with her and a toddler is BUSY!!! wow. just the cloth diapering alone is insane as i now have twice the laundry to do! 

although i'm so busy and so exhausted i don't even know where to begin, being a mum of two is great. with one child, i was so obsessed with the state of his life...is he hungry? is he cranky? is he bored? why is he doing this? obsess obsess obsess. i didn't even truly appreciate how insane i was until i had my new baby. now i'm so much more relaxed...with both of them. i'm a more relaxed mum to both my toddler and my newborn because i always have my attention divided (which does suck sometimes...i often feel inadequate to one or the other during the day, but overall it's good). i do not obsess when my baby cries either because i'm usually pre-occupied with my son...either preparing food for him, changing his diaper, reading a book to him, etc. 

i've always been a person who is too much in their head, and my head can be a dangerous place. with two babies, i'm forced out of my head and always in action. and for now, it's a good way to be. my experience with my new baby is like my second chance at motherhood...she's a much more calm and relaxed baby (my first son was colicky for 3 months and i NEVER slept because i was always wearing him and bouncing him...literally NONSTOP FOR 3 MONTHS!) and i'm now experiencing what i always thought motherhood should be...full of love, excitement, cuddles, family, etc. even my toddler seems to enjoy life more now (although yes, he has his challenging days as he adapts to life with a baby sister) as he loves his new sister and loves to show her things, read to her, sing to her etc.

my only complaint is how tired i am. although i'm getting more sleep now than i did with my first newborn, being a mother to a toddler is definitely challenging on limited sleep. my baby is often awake when my toddler is asleep (isn't this always how it goes?) and there's less downtime as i'm having to keep up a house for a toddler (he still needs to bathe, eat, have his diaper changed, be sung to sleep etc...i can't put this off to have a cat-nap). but i'm confident it'll work itself out. which is huge for me because with my first baby, i honestly did not believe that anything would ever work out. 

it helps that i have so much family support as i'm still living at my mum's while our house is in the process of being built. 

so anyway, i probably wont post much on her for the next while. i have had time to knit while baby is breastfeeding and i recently finished a pair of baby booties. i'm also working on a pattern for a pair of fingerless mitts knit in garter stitch (my obsession with garter stitch continues after making so many tomten jackets). i will post photos of the mitts later but here's a photo of the booties.