bad hair days come with being a parent. especially a parent of 2. within a couple of months of having my first child, i shaved my head to save myself the hassle of maintaining hair. which was great. and incredibly liberating but i thought i'd try a different strategy this time because growing out hair from short to long is, admittedly, about as appealing as eating toe-nails. someone else's toe-nails no less. there is always an inevitable "ugly phase". these days, time goes by so quickly that i never seem to be able to get everything done...let alone my hair. i anticipated that this would happen prior to giving birth to baby #2 so just before the big day arrived, i knitted this simple head band which can be found here on ravelry. it took 2 or so hours to complete. it doubles as an eye mask when taking necessary afternoon naps in brightly lit rooms.
my baby is no longer new-born as she had her 5 week birthday today. she's getting so fat, quickly accumulating leg rolls that took my first born a couple of months to develop...so cute. oh sweet boob juice. yum.
it's really hitting home that i will never have a newborn again (it is my intention to have completed my commitment to the manufacturing and delivery of tiny humans...life may have other plans but i'll cross that bridge when and if i come to it). i recently packed up all my newborn clothing in a bag for donation, whereas last time, i packed them away in storage knowing that another baby would come one day. i'm relieved and also really sad to be giving this stuff away. relieved because i do want to carry on with my life (grad school? master gardener? professional knitter?) and enjoy fully the two babies that i have; but sad because each day that passes i'm floating that much further away from that particular era of my life. i'm a sentimental sappy sucker and as such, a tear spills from my eye when i think of my departure from that complicated place of mothering small children.
i never thought i'd say this but IF the world wasn't so over-populated (each human requires an absurd amount of fossil fuel and other resources to sustain it), and IF life wasn't so expensive (a 3rd child means a mini-van, possibly a bigger house, way more expenses...think of the cost of even a modest calendar of activities) and IF our modern world supported families more (i.e. 1- didn't scorn women who bear more than two children; 2 - didn't expect mums, who choose to prioritize their children over their career, to remain home alone with children all day without contact with other adults for days at a time (because chances are, their friends/family work full-time) and/or attend "mum-groups" which tend to have rigid schedules and a general lack of real intimacy...groups that are intended to replace aforementioned friends/family who are good citizens and have full-time work, which is the expectation and ultimate goal of life these days...why, i have no idea; 3 - didn't make it almost necessary for there to be a double income to maintain the "necessities" of life etc)...IF all of these things...i might actually consider a 3rd child. fucking crazy, right? this coming from a person who, just 5 years ago, doubted she would ever have children. it's addicting. kinda like tattoos, or so i'm told. more babies, more love, more cuddles. yesss....but in my case no...
in other news. i had my first glass of red wine today in months!! (yes, i am aware that i am nursing and no i am not worried about it). my sister S and i made dinner tonight...an amazing pasta dish made with balsamic mushrooms and red peppers, olives, sundried tomatoes, basil, etc. we paired it with a spinach salad with home-made candied pecans, strawberries and raspberry vinagrette. spending time with my sis while preparing the meal was almost as fun as eating it together with the family. i will miss her this summer when she moves away to be with her love in saskatchewan...living with her for the past several months has been so much fun.
the last episode of 'big love" aired lastnight. i haven't had a chance to see it yet (see above re: having no time) but i'm sad to see it go. i liked how the show provided many complex views of polygamy and the drama was delicious. big love, i will miss you.
what the hell am i doing. i should be sleeping. GOOD NIGHT!