may your hands always be busy...

more baby stuff!!

LEG WARMERS!!

oh, life with a new baby is so lovely. i've said it before and i'll say it again: i feel like this is my second chance at newborn motherhood. i can't get over how much more positive this experience has been. what a difference it makes to a) know what you're doing...like how to wear a baby properly, how to breastfeed, how to change a diaper, how to bathe baby, how to soothe baby, how to just relax and be a mum without worrying about everything you're missing in the outside world; b) to have extra hands...mostly for the toddler but for baby as well; c) to not have a colicky baby for 3 months d) to have a baby that will actually just hang out and NOT scream non-stop for hours e) to have a baby that will allow you to just sit while she sleeps rather than insist that you constantly bounce on an exercise ball f) to not have had a 52 hour labour that resulted in a long recovery time...with this one, i laboured for 1.5 hours and pushed 5 times...yes!! and g) to have an extra friend with a baby, one whose house i can just stop over at and one who will just come over, no fuss, no advanced planning, whether we're in PJ's, bawling our eyes out, happy, pissed-off, un-showered, whatever...just be. and who also happens to be in the midst of a major house reno while i'm building a house (and also living with her parents too, no less!!) so knows EXACTLY what i'm going through. thanks J for being there for me, you have no idea how you have made my experience as a mum so much richer.

the above photos are just more baby projects that i haven't had a chance to post yet. baby is wearing them all in this late march winter. can't wait for the snow to be gone...it's FINALLY melting. i'm actually getting time to knit these days too, mostly because i can knit while breastfeeding and in those glorious minutes immediately following when she pops off the boob and is in a state of milk bliss, just hanging out on my chest. i live for those moments. 

yes, i'm becoming one of those mums, who is just basking in the experience of mumhood. i always thought those mums were crazy or not being totally forthcoming about their experience with motherhood...how can they be so happy? so calm?? the truth is that they just didn't have colicky babies. 

and i mean no harm to my first born whom i love dearly and with whom i have a wonderful relationship. he just had a tough first hand at life when he was stuck in my birth canal for hours and hours and hours. he just had stuff to sort out, like all of us do at some point in our lives. i love him dearly and he knows it. and i loved him dearly when he was a baby too, but it wasn't always easy and i was super depressed and anxious as a result of my inability to make him feel better (not being able to calm your baby/listening to baby screams for LITERALLY hours on end really takes its toll on your parenthood self-esteem after a while) AND inability to sleep. ever. however, in those early days, he did teach me about patience and sticking it out...and he taught me about unconditional love and  having faith that everything does work out and truly does come out in the wash if you just give it some time. 

ok enough. i'm going to sleep.

busy

it's going to be quiet around here for a while. i had my baby a little over 2 weeks ago (she was early!) and life with her and a toddler is BUSY!!! wow. just the cloth diapering alone is insane as i now have twice the laundry to do! 

although i'm so busy and so exhausted i don't even know where to begin, being a mum of two is great. with one child, i was so obsessed with the state of his life...is he hungry? is he cranky? is he bored? why is he doing this? obsess obsess obsess. i didn't even truly appreciate how insane i was until i had my new baby. now i'm so much more relaxed...with both of them. i'm a more relaxed mum to both my toddler and my newborn because i always have my attention divided (which does suck sometimes...i often feel inadequate to one or the other during the day, but overall it's good). i do not obsess when my baby cries either because i'm usually pre-occupied with my son...either preparing food for him, changing his diaper, reading a book to him, etc. 

i've always been a person who is too much in their head, and my head can be a dangerous place. with two babies, i'm forced out of my head and always in action. and for now, it's a good way to be. my experience with my new baby is like my second chance at motherhood...she's a much more calm and relaxed baby (my first son was colicky for 3 months and i NEVER slept because i was always wearing him and bouncing him...literally NONSTOP FOR 3 MONTHS!) and i'm now experiencing what i always thought motherhood should be...full of love, excitement, cuddles, family, etc. even my toddler seems to enjoy life more now (although yes, he has his challenging days as he adapts to life with a baby sister) as he loves his new sister and loves to show her things, read to her, sing to her etc.

my only complaint is how tired i am. although i'm getting more sleep now than i did with my first newborn, being a mother to a toddler is definitely challenging on limited sleep. my baby is often awake when my toddler is asleep (isn't this always how it goes?) and there's less downtime as i'm having to keep up a house for a toddler (he still needs to bathe, eat, have his diaper changed, be sung to sleep etc...i can't put this off to have a cat-nap). but i'm confident it'll work itself out. which is huge for me because with my first baby, i honestly did not believe that anything would ever work out. 

it helps that i have so much family support as i'm still living at my mum's while our house is in the process of being built. 

so anyway, i probably wont post much on her for the next while. i have had time to knit while baby is breastfeeding and i recently finished a pair of baby booties. i'm also working on a pattern for a pair of fingerless mitts knit in garter stitch (my obsession with garter stitch continues after making so many tomten jackets). i will post photos of the mitts later but here's a photo of the booties.

swapping head services

just some photos of a lovely hat i knit for my long-time friend who also happens to be my hair stylist. we both enjoy visually enhancing the heads of others...she does it by creating art with hair, and i do so by creating art with yarn. it seemed like a good trade, so here we are. this hat is one of my favourites to knit and can be found here on ravelry. i used some beautiful noro kureyon yarn and big needles to build this subtle but chunky cabled hat. i sewed on an oversized brown button, as seen in the top photo (but unfortunately, not very visible due to the bad lighting in that particular photo). the result looks great on my dear friend. and the hair cut was amazing, though it's hiding under the hat :)

with having a new baby on the way, i figured i'd chop off the hair again, just like i did for isaac...long hair is too much work. evolutionary psychologists have hypothesized that long hair is a sign of fertility and health, which is why it's so attractive to men. well, i think that the existence of my offspring is (including the one on the way) sufficient evidence that i'm healthy and fertile. maybe keeping my hair short will be adequate birth control for the future? har har.

less than 2 weeks until the due date. i'm ready right now. lets get this show on the road!!

nope, it's not really my thing.

although i love to browse fabric stores and websites (both are like foreplay to me) and often fantasize about all the possibilities at my fingertips with cloth, thread and a sewing machine (sexy, right?), i’ve come to the conclusion and have accepted the fact that i will never sew very well, least of all make a living off of it. ever. my personality conflicts with sewing.

not that i don’t enjoy sewing; quite the contrary. i used to sew lots of things...i even sewed my own prom dress. i'm just not very good at the craft. i decided several months ago to sew, rather than knit, my next baby a blanket (i knit my first-born a blanket when i was about 6 months pregnant…it was my 3^rd knitting project ever and it really honed my knits and purls). i loved the idea of a patchwork quilt so decided to pick up some fat quarters here and there and kept my eyes open at thrift stores for fabric that i liked. i eventually collected enough fabric bits to make my first ever patchwork quilt.

anyway, as soon as i started the project, i immediately noticed my resistance to things i’d been taught in home-ec classes in junior high (though i AM proud to say that i pre-washed the fabric to control for shrinking…well, almost all the fabric…i found a bit at the last minute and didn’t wash it…i’m going to pay for it i’m sure).

1)      i did not plan out how the colours would coordinate. a lady at one of the local quilt shops emphasized to me the importance of picking out proper colours and patterns…she even offered an entire class on “choosing the correct colours and patterns.” i looked at her like she had 4 heads, swore profusely under my breath, and proceeded to get the hell out of there quickly. there’s nothing i hate more than over-planning something that i want to just enjoy and relax with. i hate rules and i especially hate when people try to force them upon me.

2)       i did not measure or cut with precision. in fact, to cut the squares, i found a little board book of my son’s (not a perfect square, and with rounded corners) and used it as a guide. many of my squares were different sizes. but i didn’t really care; i made this project in between knitting projects/preparing meals/cleaning/sleeping while my son napped. i didn’t have time (or the inclination) to measure correctly. what a luxury that would be! oh, and i DID NOT iron my fabric. i know, i'm a sinful bitch.

3)      during the sewing phase, i didn’t appropriately deal with rough edges. i had always been taught to do zig-zag stitch or something of the like for a finished look, but i JUST COULDN’T BRING MYSELF to do it. lazy? rushed? rebellious? stupid?

4)      i did not establish a pattern what-so-ever… although all quilting websites i looked up (i’d never done a patchwork project prior to this so i looked for guidance) in addition to the aforementioned quilting store owner emphasized the importance of establishing a pattern , the thought of doing so made my ass twitch and my hands tremble. consequently, no pattern was established and in one place, two identical squares matched up…oops…oh well, the baby wont notice. not right away anyway because they’re practically blind for the first several weeks.

5)      i sewed quickly and sloppily. and didn’t try very hard to keep a perfect ¼ inch seam…is that what it is? when you follow the width of your foot? i also forced those imperfect squares together in whatever way i could. i didn’t sweat it too much…i just couldn’t bring myself to care!

6)      i haphazardly measured the boarder material (which was a jersey sheet from value village which i bought for 3 dollars…such a good deal and so much cheaper than new fabric!! and it’s so stretchy and soft!), made some mistakes , and re-cut. i didn’t even cut on a smooth surface…i cut on the carpet, which was a nightmare. i barely used a measuring tape. what a shit-show, right?

7)      after slopping in the batting, sewing some VV jersey sheet on the back (i had no idea how to eloquently sew on the back piece so i just sort of rammed it through the machine), i shamefully sewed on the biased tape while watching “thomas the train and the island of sodor” with my son, who for better or for worse, helped me feed the whole thing through the machine (he has a knack for and natural affinity to home-economics).

phew. and it’s finished. honestly, i don’t mind the end result. i find it kind of charming. i would never show it off to anyone who quilts. just my family will appreciate this work of art who are none the wiser to my messy, sloppy ways. i’m sure my baby will love it and one day suck the shit out of the corners so that they fray and stink of stale toddler breath. and it will get washed over and over again until it begins to fade (hopefully those unwashed squres wont cause the entire thing to pucker and warp...fuck…mental note, do not dry in the dryer) and it will serve it’s purpose: to keep my child warm, comforted and surrounded by colour. 

i'm addicted to baby sweaters.

i seriously can't stop. i've knitted 3 sweaters for the new baby and am now madly working through a tomten jacket for my toddler (i recently discovered the tomten jacket pattern and i'm IN LOVE. straight knitting, no purling and hardly any seaming. and it's SO CUTE). i've also whipped up baby legwarmers and a newborn hat (will post later). every spare minute i have, i have needles in my hands manipulating string into fabric. is it nesting? maybe. i'm not in my own space so it would make sense that this time i'm madly knitting, rather than madly cleaning or baking.

right now i'm working on a swap hat (my girlfriend cut my hair today and it's AWESOME...traded for a lovely noro wool slouchy hat that i hope to start and finish in the next week) as well as the toddler jacket...i also hope to complete baby booties and finish a pair of socks that have been hibernating for a while. i was also excited to make baby knitted pants/soakers but we'll see...baby is due in 4 weeks!! ack!

anyway i'm super tired and can barely focus on the screen let alone type comprehensible sentences...so i'm off to bed. here's hoping my toddler doesn't have any bad dreams tonight and that i pee no more than 5 times tonight...

6 monthish sweater...i improvised this pattern from two other infant patterns.

classic elizabeth zimmerman tomten jacket...6-9 months probably.

tomten jacket number 2...newborn!

i'll build you this if you build me a house

my partner and i met a little over 6 years ago. it was "smitten at first sight" on his part (he'd known of me for quite some time prior to officially meeting) and it wasn't long before i too was smitten (it helped that he gave me a mix tape with amazing music on our first date, that we both drank tea, and that he used the word "smitten" to describe his feelings for me the day we met). we bought a house together 4 years ago, got married 3 summers ago, had our first child 2 summers ago...you know, pretty committed by standard terms.


anyway, i've been a knitter for about 3 years and have knitted several sweaters. many for babies and 3 lovely sweaters for me. according to ravelry, i have knitted over a hundred projects (110 to be exact).


 i've knitted for my husband several small things...mitts, wrist warmers, hats, etc. but i just could never commit to knitting him a sweater. why? ehn, i dunno...doing so would be a big investment, it would take a lot of yarn, a lot of time, and a lot of patience (he's 6'1 and long). and i wasn't sure he would fully appreciate it (being a non-knitter). in theory, i had a vague urge to make him one for a long time but kept putting it off...i was afraid of what i might do if he rejected it (grounds for divorce?). i had been willing to move in with the guy, combine our CD collection, get married, bear his offspring...but was unable to jump off the deep end and knit the guy a sweater. 


until a few months ago when i finally realized: I THINK I'M READY FOR THIS.


what caused the change of heart? i guess it helped that he was also in the process of building us a house... that was sort of the big push. a good trade i think...a house for a hand-knit sweater? pretty good deal on both of our parts. hah. 


the sweater is a variation of the pattern: "rogers-esque cardigan" by Mary Townsend. the pattern was a bit difficult to follow so i took some liberties...regardless, it turned out great. i also added pockets, which i lined with scrap blue yarn to preserve my sanity (it's harder than you think to knit for hours and hours in shit-brown yarn...you cannot fathom the joy i found in switching to blue, though my time with blue was short indeed). details of the pattern can be found here.

meanwhile i'm 1 day short of being 35 weeks pregnant. here's a couple blurry photos of me tonight, to go with the blurry sweater photos posted above (there seems to be no time during daylight hours to take photos; rather, i seem to only think of it when the sun goes down and i'm limited to terrible bathroom light). 

i'm gonna give you everything.

i've been in a creative (and lets face it, an emotional) funk lately, hence the lack of posting. i've been feeling pretty shitty physically (pregnancy back pain) and i completely lack energy. so rather than think of a post, i decided to let you in on the progress of my pregnancy through photos...a pretty typical thing for pregnant mums to do, but something i have been somewhat hesitant to do. perhaps it's that i don't like to draw attention to myself (people at work know that i neither announced my pregnancy nor announced my exit into the abyss of maternity leave...not to be an asshole but simply because i just don't like to make big announcements).

anyway, i decided to just bite the bullet and post the photos, mainly for those people in my life whom i no longer see regularly (there's recently been a mass exodus of my lady friends, all moving from northern BC to bigger, brighter [more southern?] things and places. which i admit, has contributed to my recent funk). i've been missing them a lot as of late...their absence has been particularly salient to me these last few weeks. so here you go dear friends, (particularly D, B and A) wish you were here with me.  

p.s. i'm just shy of 34 weeks at this point...i will hopefully get around to taking a few more photos before this new one is born. 

p.p.s. i'm pretty fucking freaked out about having a newborn in my life again and my new identity as a mother of two. i know i will love the baby dearly but do i have the capacity to be that sleep deprived again? (for those who are unaware, my first-born did not let me sleep for 6 months...needless to say i was an utter mess). 

p.p.p.s i worry about how my 2.5 year old will adjust. i'm going to miss what we have (our little routines that i live for) and i feel really guilty about disrupting his little life.

10 weeks

12 weeks

15 weeks

26 weeks

29 weeks

30 weeks